Confessions of a “Survivor” Flunky

Get me some crow.  I’m ready to eat it.

I consider myself a pretty tough woman.  So when friends sneered at me as I talked about my plans to go camping all by my lonesome, I took it in stride & whispered internally “I’ll show you”.   I know how to commune with nature…heck, I’ve gone a whole weekend without hair gel & make-up, how hard can this camping thing be?  Have tent, will camp, right?  But after 3 days of roughing it I was prepared to rescind my indignation at being mocked and I willingly admit defeat.   So what was it that finally did me in?  Pick your poison…the ground was too hard, too rocky, too wet from the rains; the sleeping bag was not warm enough; the spiders crawling on my face in the dark creeped me out.  No, I’ll tell you what it was.  Stanley.  That’s what I named the massive creature I encountered outside my tent just as dark was setting in last night.  I heard the noise of something stirring outside and poked my head out to face this beast.  It was almost too dark out to snap a decent photo.  Nonetheless, I found my camera phone & shot a pic off to my favorite big game hunter with the inquiry, “WHAT IS IT & do I need to be afraid?”  Fully expecting his reply to be “Breakfast”, I waited patiently for the response.  I later learned that Stanley is an elk and probably harmless if I leave him alone.  But the news came too late.  Fear, once it is activated in a person, is difficult to assuage.  Even my weapon of choice brought little comfort.  Yes, it’s true, I was “packin”.  Still, the damage was done.

 I found a charming cottage at Dripping Springs Inn and dubbed it my new retreat.  It felt like heaven to wash off 2 layers of topsoil from my flesh & to shampoo my hair with something other than a can of Coors.  My apologies to Wet Wipes but they will never be a suitable replacement for 10 solid minutes of hot steaming water pouring out of a showerhead. After burning my smelly clothes…I’m KIDDING….and a nice long soak in the hot tub out on my back deck, I tucked myself into a four poster log bed with lots of pillows and quilts.  I left the back door ajar just enough to hear the river a few yards away singing to me.  Strangely though, the lyrics ringing in my head were those to “I Enjoy Being a Girl!”  Clearly, I was more than ready to reclaim my femininity.  Despite this I am irked that it was a fear issue that drove me to it.

 

What is it about things that go “bump in the night” that set us on edge?  I HATE being afraid, don’t you? I try so hard to come across like I’m tough & can manage on my own.  But it’s simply not true…I need someone who’s got my back.  Fortunately for me, that someone is Jesus. This journey of faith is trying at times…the enemy throws things into our camp to frighten us.  Beasts like loneliness, temptations, health problems, financial burdens assail our confidence.  Hideous creatures such as sin, fear, and death rear their ugly heads and shake us to the core.  Even when we are armed with the weapons of spiritual warfare, it is easy to fall prey to an insidious giant appearing the size of Long’s Peak in our camp.

 

So what are we to do? On a drive through Rocky Mountain National Park today, listening to a friend’s CD these lyrics jumped out at me… “Anybody gonna move this mountain? Anybody gonna change this scene?…”  One look at the gargantuan Rocky Mountains all around me, I was so stunned at the imagery of God’s Word being revealed in my heart, I had to pull the car over.  Jesus told us what it takes to move the mountains in our lives.  “If you have faith as a grain of a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain ‘move from here to over there’ and it shall be removed.  Nothing shall be impossible to you.”  Matthew 7:20

 

Obviously, it is not “more faith” that we need in times of trial or testing.  The point that Jesus is making is that we need only a tiny bit of faith in a Great & Mighty God.  Take a look at these pictures from my hikes of the past several days and meditate on what Christ was saying…Nothing shall be impossible.  Ask yourself, “What are the mountains in my life that need to be moved?”  Once you’ve identified your mountains, in faith tell them where to go…

 

Oh yeah, as for the crow?  I’ll take mine with a little ketchup, please. 

 

                      

         

                                                                                                                                   

About Face

“The light of the day is sweet, and pleasant to the eye is the sight of the sun…” Ecc. 11:7

 

Sometimes God takes us in a different direction than where we are headed…if we’re open to it, this “about face” can bring unexpected joys.

 

My get away plans were to explore the Grand Tetons of Wyoming…camping, scenic drives, singing out under the stars.  I made it into southern Wyoming before having a sudden epiphany of “this is not where I’m supposed to be” and turning the car around.  I’ve been coming to Estes Park & Rocky Mountain National Park for over 20 years.  It is my second favorite place on the planet and one of only 2 places I’ve ever found myself able to sleep without ear plugs.  God bless the individual who invented the sleep machine—that gadget that simulates nature sounds.  But it is certainly no match for God’s Sleep Machine—a raging river after a season of hard rains. Nightly the Big Thompson River sings its lullaby and I obediently succumb to its charm after a hard day of hiking and climbing and exploring God’s glorious creation.   The trails here are often strenuous but the vistas make it all worthwhile.  One of my favorites is a mountain range called “Never Summer”…couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw tourists having snowball fights in the middle of  July! 

 

 

 

The view from my campsite is serene…mere inches from the river, I study the waves downstream.  I’m witnessing the sun coming up over the waters, sunlight glistening on dancing waves as the river sings its roaring song.  And just as morning light begins to cascade down the rock wall to the north, birds join in the chorus while thousands of aspen leaves wildly applaud.  The sky is as bright and blue as a Swedish child’s eyes.  A fly fisherman enjoys his solitude methodically  casting & stripping in his line.  He makes his way upstream and shoots me a smile as we share this secret of tranquility.  It’s the deepest human interaction I’ve experienced in days. 

 

I came with Bible in hand and prayers on my lips.  And though my world is in a bit of God-ordained chaos right now, there are no questions weighing heavy on my heart at this moment.  Rather, there is a fixed sense of serenity and awe at the wonder and majesty of the One who created this scene, the One who set the stage making it possible for me to be in His audience this morning.

 

“I know that whatever God does lasts forever; to add to it or subtract from it is impossible.  And He has done it all in such a way that men must feel awe in His presence.”  Ecc. 3:14

listen up

“I’m sensitive about my ears.”   Just so you know, I said this long before Barack Obama did.  I actually quit wearing my long hair in a ponytail over 2 decades ago because of a chemistry professor who came into class every morning, greeted me with “Good morning, Dumbo!” and proceeded to hang his lab coat on my protruding ear! 

Have you ever been in a situation where your ears just stop hearing what is all around you?  Even the biggest of ears, yes like mine, can grow dull to a sound that we become accustomed to over time.  I live in a Colorado Springs neighborhood adjacent to the US Air Force Academy…been here five years.  Small engine planes take off and land all throughout the day but at some point in the last 5 years I quit hearing them.  My ears grew used to the noise and I must have simply blocked it out.  Yet all day this past Monday while sitting in my home office I noticed the strangest sound coming from the Academy…airplanes…taking off & landing, circling near my house.  All week long the noise persisted.  Why now?  What has changed?

Sunday night when I returned home from our skydiving adventure, the roar of the prop plane was still screaming in my brain.  It took several hours for the pressure of the dive to release and my ears to start “popping”.  On Monday morning I awoke with a new sensitivity…to airplane noise.  The roar had been so deafening the day before, that my former “immunity” to the sound of aircraft overhead had vanished. 

That same phenomenon can happen to our spiritual ears as well.  We hear the promptings of the Holy Spirit but when we don’t obey, our ears grow dull {Matthew 13:15; Acts 28:27}, we begin to lose the ability to discern what we are being told.  Eventually, if we ignore the sounds long enough we stop hearing God’s voice altogether.  {Mark 8:18} If we’re fortunate, God will give us a sonic boom to bring us back to our senses.  Sadly, it happens this way often…God whispers only so long and if He starts to lose our attention, He calls His own back with a loud shout.  The shout may come in the form of financial difficulties, a bad report from the physician, divorce papers on the kitchen table, a runaway teen.  Count your blessings that our Lord loves us enough to shout at us.  But wouldn’t we be so much better off if we would simply listen and obey in the first place rather than provoking God to raise His voice at us?  Don’t misunderstand me, harkening to God’s voice & walking in obedience doesn’t exempt us from the aforementioned difficulties…the rain falls on the just and the unjust {Matthew 5:45}…but if we truly listen we can avoid the consequences of the sin of disobedience.  Too, we will know the voice that calls us out of this present darkness and in obedience to His calling we find rest and peace. 

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear…”       {Matthew 11:15, 13:9; Mark 4:9; Luke 8:8, 14:35} “Moreover, he said unto me, Son of man, all the words that I shall speak, unto thee receive in thine heart and hear with thine ears.” {Ezekiel 3:10}

The Things We Do for Love

“You want WHAT for your 21^st birthday?”  Matt had just finished telling me of his desire to go skydiving.  “Fine. I don’t have to join you.  I’ll be the photographer.”  Or so I thought, until the memories of our Mother’s Day adventure came flooding back.  If rock wall climbing with my boys was cool, just imagine what skydiving with my older son would be like.  Sensing the potential for a most unforgettable memory of a lifetime, I managed to talk myself into jumping out of a perfectly good airplane thousands of feet above the earth.  Matt was stunned and frankly, so was I.

 

The first time we went we were rained out, plane grounded, no go.  I will admit to not being the least bit disappointed, except for Matt.  He so had his heart set on this.  So here we were again the following week…beautiful weather, no excuses.  We donned our gear, snapped a few photos, climbed into the truck taking us to the runway & headed out.  Sitting on benches of a non-pressurized aircraft I caught a glimpse of my 6’3” baby boy as he fought hyperventilation. It was the first time I ever remember seeing him so obviously nervous.  Unable to compete with the roar of the props, we mouthed the words, “Thank You” to each other & prepared to catapult our bodies into the air.  Instructors teach you how to arch the body, how to land, even how to ham it up for the camera.  They don’t warn you about the screaming wind pulling your cheeks back & distorting your mouth like a bad face lift or how fast the earth rushes past you or the sensation of breakfast rising to your nostrils as your body races head first through the air at 120 miles an hour…{note to self, no more blueberry fruit smoothies before skydiving}.  But neither do they tell you of the most incredibly spiritual sensation of floating through the atmosphere once the parachute opens…you get to find that out for yourself.  After 45 seconds of intense free fall…hooked to another human being, I’m guessing so you don’t have to fret about dying alone…the instructor yelled “Pull, Pull, PULL”, I reached back to find the cord, the parachute popped open with a slight jerk, and it was as if time stood still for the next five minutes while we floated in total silence above the earth far below.  My instructor tapped my shoulder to signal that I could release my death grip on the harness and my hands raised in praise to the Creator of all that surrounded me…the Rocky Mountains so clear & snowcapped, the lakes of Longmont & Boulder Valley, and beautiful blue skies as far as the eye could see.  It was the most spiritual 5 minutes of my life.  “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus sweetest name I know” crossed my lips…between screams of course.  I could scarcely take it in…the stunning vista, the spiritual euphoria and the deep sense of gratitude I felt for the skilled individual who packed our parachutes!  Last off the plane with Matt having jumped immediately before me, I got to see my son’s canopy floating out in front of & just below me.  A sense of pride washed over me as I realized that once again this child has stretched me beyond my comfort zone & encouraged me to truly LIVE.  The instructor handed over the controls to me and let me turn back to see Long’s Peak at 14,000 feet.  I scanned the crops below, the horizon beyond, the clouds just slightly above me…Colorado at it’s finest.  It was surreal.  After a few minutes the instructor took the controls again & began to guide us in for our landing…on our buns in a pit of tiny pebbles.  What an unbelievable RUSH!

 

Back on the ground at the hangar, my instructor approached me with a sheepish look and calmly stated, “I’m sorry to have to tell you but your video didn’t turn out.  Camera malfunction. We’ll give you the stills but there’s no video.”  Knowing my friends and family the way I do, my first thought was that NO ONE is going to believe I did this!!! They’ll see the stills of me on the ground & in the aircraft and they’ll kid me for the rest of my days that I chickened out & landed with the pilot.  Not on your life buddy, I’m getting a video.  With sincere disappointment written all over my face and some tear-filled negotiating with the Manager, I was soon suiting up for the second time today. 

 

Not everybody gets to jump out of an airplane for the “first time” twice…Yup, it’s true.  I jumped again & I didn’t even need to be pushed out this time. . .I got a repeat of the entire experience and the second time was even better…sans first-time jitters and breakfast long gone I was more relaxed…well as relaxed as a woman can be at 14,000 ft with adrenaline coursing through my veins like water through a fire hose.  This time the instructor decided we’d do some tricks & turns in free fall.  This time he had to yell PULL several times more cos I couldn’t find the cord!  The chute finally opened, and so began another thrilling religious experience under the canopy.  Again I was handed the controls & felt the sheer exhilaration of turning back & forth to take in the mountain views. We could see all the way from Long’s Peak to Pike’s Peak!  At one point we caught a thermal and our chute lifted & hung completely suspended in the warm air.  It was as if God said, “Here’s a few extra seconds for you to enjoy this adventure”.  In the midst of the thermal directly in front of our faces a hawk soared in circles to say hello… “I know how you feel”, I told him. 

 

Matt was on the ground below taking video on my camera…just in case…and I managed to land the second time on my feet.  Hugs & high fives were exchanged and Praises to God danced through my spirit.  For not one but two 5-minute periods today I got to commune with the angels on their turf.  It was glorious.

 

“For he shall give His angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways…” Psalm 91:11

The Upside to E-Harmony

Lest anyone think that my time spent on E-Harmony left nothing but a sour taste in my mouth {per my April 2008 comments}, I am writing to state that I have had some divine appointments and have made some wonderful God-blessed friendships as a result of my prior membership.  I am grateful for some seriously sold out Christian men out there and am honored to call them friend.  When Harry Met Sally he vehemently tried to convince her that “men & women can never be friends” but I beg to differ.  Not only is it possible for single men & women to spend time together as “just friends”…it’s HEALTHY.  We need to break out of our selfish mindset about male-female relationships & come to grips with the fact that God calls us first to SERVE one another.   Over the past several months, God has allowed me to be an encouragement to several men that are disillusioned in their quest for a soul mate, even giving them lots of female insight & advice on how to win the {other} girl.   Most importantly, the Lord has used these relationships to spur me into deeper & broader fellowship with Him as I learn & grow from challenging conversations & written discourse from these fellow believers.

On the 4th of July I hung out with T, a dear brother in Christ I met several months ago.  He’s crazy.  There’s no other way to describe him.  A resident of the Peoples Republic of Boulder, T is in the conservative minority in a bastion of liberalism.  Still, he shares his faith with unashamed boldness & conviction that could disarm even the toughest naysayer.  T lives everyday of his life as if his mid-life crisis arrived early and tomorrow will not come at all.  Sometimes being around him is exhilarating,  other times it’s just flat out frightening.  But I learned some really cool things from him this past weekend.  T is the kind of man that when he makes up his mind to do something you can consider it done…like the plan to watch fireworks from Flagstaff Mountain.  He wanted to be up there because the view is spectacular.  Just one problem.  The Boulder police closed the road and no one could access the drive up.  Undeterred by this, T decided we would simply climb the mountain instead.  Not an issue for him, he’s an athlete through & through.  And while I enjoy a good hike, I was completely unprepared for running up the side of a mountain clad in flip flops, in haste to make it before the fireworks began.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, the practical side of me panicked at the thought of climbing down in the dark after the festivities were over.  I was quickly scolded that that’s what cell phone LCD’s are for.  Just the same, I reached into the glove compartment, pulled out a little flashlight and off we went.  T was right, the view was spectacular.  We could see for over 30 miles and got to enjoy fireworks in rapid succession from several Colorado cities.  It was awe-inspiring from our dusty rock perch.  We rubbed sage and scratched pine needles, then huffed them like exotic perfumes.  And as always with T in the outdoors, we talked about our magnificent Creator. 

Fireworks over, soon came the time to venture back down in pitch dark. The moon was virtually worthless this night.  We experimented with several maneuvers until ultimately we ended up with T in front, holding the tiny flashlight illuminating the path directly in front of him. My feeble attempt to generate my own light from the cell phone was useless.  I had to hold tightly to T’s arm and he to mine as I moved my steps in sync with his while we traversed rocky, steep mountainside with no trail in sight.  Several times I stumbled over huge stones in my path but each time his grip on me was solid and he never let me fall.   The trek down this treacherous hill seemed to take forever but T kept talking and encouraging me that “we’re not in a hurry”.  In the absence of sight my mind drifted to the sounds around us…was that a rattlesnake?  T’s tone was comforting and direct, “just hold on tight, follow me & focus on my voice.”  He had climbed this mountain many times and he knew how to get us out of the thick woods.

I see two important spiritual lessons from our adventure on Flagstaff Mountain…the first, that men of God are to look out for their single sisters in the faith, to help us navigate the rough places and protect us from “predators” along the way.  I am grateful that T is that kind of man.  I know that he would come to my rescue anytime, glad to help, expecting nothing in return.  His constant supply of energy often stretches me beyond what I think I am capable of and his depth of knowledge of Scripture provokes thought, challenging me to dive into the Word.  His friendship is a precious gift from the Lord.  Singles would do well to cultivate this kind of public fellowship with one another rather than get all heated up over “falling in love for all the right reasons”.   {Caveat: If indeed, our Lord has a man for me that is all my heart desires, I suspect I’ll find him on the path of friendship, following hard after Jesus.  Isn’t that what we all long for…for our life partner to be our best friend?}

The second lesson came from all the parallels I drew hiking down that mountain in the dark and seeing T as a picture of God…my Heavenly Father knows the dark mountains & valleys that I face every day.  He has traveled them before me and he assures me that I have nothing to fear.  He is walking them closely with me, shining His light, reminding me that to walk in my own light is futile, assuring me that though this is a walk of faith & not sight, I can have complete confidence in the One who is leading…even when I am ill-equipped for the journey and my steps are unsure He bids me to follow closely in His steps.  Griping me tightly, He will not let me fall.  He urges me to shut out the distractions of the world around me & focus on His voice, trusting Him to protect me from danger and to guide me safely home.

As T & I emerged from the woods, I looked up to see directly in front of us, the Big Dipper in a sky as clear and still as any I had ever seen.  I stopped for a moment to enjoy the beauty of the night and to thank T and God that we were safely down off the mountain.  I noted the irony that on this “Independence Day” I had been completely dependent on someone other than myself for my deliverance.  Because of that willingness to be dependent, from a view few others were privy to, I had witnessed beautifully orchestrated Fireworks in the Heavens.